Wintering well

Defining moments are very likely to be uncomfortable, maybe even painful, shocking or traumatic but they can reveal something to us, often about ourselves. They will test us, our determination or our courage and they shape us. I would add that how they shape us depends on how we engage with each defining moment, and what we do with it, especially when it’s painful.

Around this time last year, my sister was admitted to hospital having suddenly become very unwell. She had a brief, unexpected battle with cancer. She didn’t come home. The shock and profound sadness impacted our whole family like no other prior experience. I was unprepared, disorientated and felt lost, as if I had just been dropped into a desert with no map or compass. How do I navigate this? How do I find my way out and back to civilisation? How do I even begin?

I recently came across a book called ‘Wintering’ by Katherine May. She describes wintering as those periods when you find yourself out of step with the world around you, unable to keep up. Perhaps you feel rejected, sidelined, and unable to, or blocked from, making progress. She suggests this season may result from an illness, a bereavement, a failure (real or perceived) or a redundancy; perhaps your business has come to an untimely end. Whatever the event, and whether it arrives slowly or unexpectedly, ‘...wintering is usually involuntary, lonely and deeply painful. Yet it’s also inevitable.’

You most likely have already experienced wintering seasons in your life, and you have already had to wrestle with the tension of taking care of yourself and the organisation. So, as leaders how do we navigate this kind of winter season? How do we sustain ourselves through profoundly difficult periods in life? How do we remain authentic and model this season well for others?

From conversations with other leaders, I know it can be all too easy to believe the lie that as a leader we should be able to manage anything and everything that comes our way. Whilst we wouldn’t dream of expecting the same of others, somehow we believe it’s ok to hold ourselves to unrealistic standards.

I was determined to approach this season differently, but I still found myself attempting to fight against it and at other times trying to rush through it and ‘get it done’. Neither approach was helpful or realistic. Being in constant problem-solving mode in a misguided belief that I could ‘beat’ this season was exhausting! Something needed to change. 

Seasonal lessons 

Honestly reflecting helped to provide some clarity. Here are some of the things I learnt about wintering, some of which I am sure you will relate to: 

• Fighting winter is futile, it is just as much a part of life as summer or spring. 

• You can’t rush through winter. Whilst it doesn’t look like much is happening, growth and transformation are taking place. 

• You can adapt, slow down, and still put one foot in front of the other. Progress is still possible; it just looks and feels different. 

• Being out of step with the world is normal and necessary sometimes, nothing to feel guilty or ashamed about.  

• Wintering is better with others who understand. Having a trusted, close network of carefully chosen family, friends and colleagues is vital. Leadership can feel lonely enough, this is amplified through wintering if not addressed. 

Sustainable leadership – wintering well 

In a fast-paced world of change and the desire for excellence, what does it look like to take care of yourself? To sustain yourself? Often it takes greater courage to look after your own well-being as looking after others likely comes more naturally. Whilst we might not know when our next winter will arrive, or maybe you’re in the middle of one, we can prepare and adapt for winter. We can build habits and practices in our daily lives that build resilience and connection and foster hope.

What is one thing you could do today that would help you prepare for and navigate winter?

Here are a few suggestions to start:

• If you’re a leader who finds it difficult to ask for help, start practising now. Identify an area where you would benefit from the wisdom or skill of others and ask. Most often, others are pleased to be able to help and feel empowered when asked to contribute to something meaningful and purposeful. 

• Reflect on your organisation’s values and how you would want to see your people supported through winter. Do the workplace policies help or hinder?  

• What do you have in your workload or on your to-do list that you should say no to? Practice saying no – to appropriate things! One leader we spoke to wisely said ‘If you never say no, what is your yes worth?’ 

• Rest. How often do you rest? I was in conversation with a medical professional recently who was encouraging someone to schedule ‘purposeful rest’ in their day. Just 10 – 30 minutes where they were alone, no screens, no demands or responsibilities, no distractions. I challenge you to try it.  

• Routine and ritual. What are the routines that bring you pleasure and ground you? It might be that first cup of coffee in the quiet before the business of your day begins, or that daily dog walk. If you don’t have any, I encourage you to try some out. 

• Connection – whilst we’re all different, I do believe this is vital. Finding other leaders who are willing to share their experiences too, and together creating a space for mutual accountability, encouragement and honesty might just be the difference you need to emerge into spring sooner than you could imagine!  

What one thing will you do? 

At Leaders, we love to connect people. If this is something you would like to explore, please do get in touch, we would love to help.